[Kelvin is dreaming that he’s won a catnip-snorting competition]
Jim Nantz: Hello everybody! I’m Jim Nantz, and I’d like you to meet this young man. His name, Kelvin Fatemi. And Kelvin, congratulations to you. Things looked kind of rough out there today.
Kelvin: Well, I’ll tell you Jim, I did pack my nose with a mountain’s worth! But you know, just like I told the guy on ABC, “No amount of catnip is too much!”
Jim: A lot of people expected your neighbor from the alley across the street Kevin to take the honors this year.
Kelvin laughs: That guy’s a belly slut! I hope he gets hit by a car.
Jim: That’s fantastic! Let me ask you a question. When you get out there, do you ever fear for your life?
Kelvin: Well Jim, I’ll tell you, catnip’s not a sport. It’s a way of life. It’s no hobby. It’s a way of looking at the world and saying, “Hey bud, let’s party!” Hey, where’d you get this tie? It’s so shiny and dangly…
Jim: I got this from the network. Let me ask you a question. What’s next for Kelvin Fatemi?
Kelvin: Heading over to the Australian and Hawaiian internationals, and then me and Mick are going to wing on over to London and jam with the Stones!
Kelvin [to the two girls next to him]: And you guys are invited too!
This is a spoof of Fast Times at Ridgemont High (NSFW language, nudity)
(You may recognize this guy from our February newsletter. Every month we send out The Critter Courier where we feature photos of your pets, post informative pet-related content, stories, and holidays schedules.)