I caught Toby staring at himself in the mirror one day. I didn’t interrupt, just watched and listened as he paced back and forth, practicing his big speech: (This is a spoof of the famous speech from “Network.”)
I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s worth. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller.
Well, I want you to get GLAD! I don’t know what to do about the coronavirus and the wildfires. All I know is that first you’ve got to get glad. You’ve got to say, ‘I like dogs, d*ng it! They give life value!’
So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, ‘I’m as glad as h*ck that there are dogs in this world!’
I want you to get up right now. Sit up. Go to your windows. Open them and stick your head out and yell, ‘I’m as glad as h*ck and I’m gonna adopt one more! Maybe two! Or Three!’
Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get glad! You’ve got to say, ‘I’m as glad as h*ck, and I’m gonna go rub my dog’s belly!’
Then we’ll figure out what to do about the quarantine and the election and the gun violence. But first, get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it, ‘I’m as glad as h*ck for dogs, and cats are okay too!’
Toby caught me watching, drew himself up, and got ready for his walk, looking for a tall hill from which to pontificate.
(You may recognize this dude from our October newsletter. Every month we send out The Critter Courier where we feature photos of your pets, post informative pet-related content, stories, and holidays schedules.)